I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Randomize
