I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
