Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
