Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
