Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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