who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
