would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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