i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
