i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
