You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
me + whiskey = a bad person
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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