So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
