We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
