I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
