I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
