you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
