she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize