We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
