so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize