Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
