i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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