theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
