he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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