EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
