Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
