Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
