I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
