Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
