the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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