a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I got inside last night via doggy door
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
