You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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