You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
