That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
