she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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