Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
