ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
