Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
