apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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