Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
