I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
