I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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