In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
