so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
