fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
