Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize