How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
