And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
