ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
