The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
