Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
