i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
