Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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