I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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