wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
