in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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