Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
