I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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