he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
