Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
