Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
