Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
