Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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