She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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