omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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