I am in a vortex of obligation.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
