He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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