Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
