Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
