Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
