Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
